The Newest Relationship Status: Artificially Complicated

One in three Americans reports feeling lonely at least once a week, withten percent reporting feeling lonely every day. Unsurprisingly, people seek ways to combat feelings of isolation, and for many, that means seeking online companionship. AI girlfriends and boyfriends are becoming increasingly popular, with 19%of one survey’s respondents reporting some level of engagement with romantic AI companions. And why not? Finding an AI girlfriend is as easy as downloading a new app. In the time it takes to run an internet speed test, you can have a virtual partner who offers round-the-clock companionship. Whether you should accept the offer of AI love, however, is up for debate.

Powered by Connection—Literally

It’s easy to see the appeal of AI boyfriends; you get an attentive, loving companion who continuously validates you and makes you feel seen. At its core, however, AI companionship is an illusion. Most users realize that, treating the relationship like a video game. To maintain the illusion, AI companions rely on constant high-speed internet access and real-time data processing. 

Comfortable, Customizable—But Not a Cure-All 

Using an AI girlfriend or boyfriend can help users feel seen and supported, especially during periods of loneliness. There’s something very tempting about customizing the perfect romantic partner, even if they only exist in the virtual world. Don’t like their height or hair color? Change them in the settings. Want a girlfriend who’s very affectionate and caring or a “bad boy” who doesn’t live by society’s rules? Many AI companions have emotional and intelligence settings you can adjust.

How strongly you connect with your virtual companion depends on you and the app. Some apps emphasize emotions and realistic interactions (or as realistic as the technology allows), while others offer a more physical, fantasy-based approach. The stereotypes of the AI girlfriend as a submissive, anime-inspired sex doll or the AI boyfriend who’s a dark romance vampire grew out of these. 

Complicating the matter is our own complex and human emotions. Humans are capable of imagining genuine emotions where none exist. You’ve probably seen stories about how people become attached to their Roombas, decorating them with googly eyes and ascribing personalities to them. That’s pretty harmless behavior. For a lonely person in a tough emotional space, or for someone battling depression or another mental disorder, AI companions can reinforce isolation, preventing access to real-world connections and much-needed support and help. 

Lag Isn’t Just Technical—It’s Emotional 

Without a reliable internet provider, AI companion responsiveness suffers, disrupting the illusion of an emotional presence. A laggy companion isn’t any fun, especially if you’re in the middle of a romantic (or spicy) conversation. Because AI companions are built to feel emotionally intuitive, interruptions in service can feel more personal than technical, as if the AI boyfriend were deliberately ignoring you. This can be especially jarring if the user has turned to AI to avoid the rejection and conflict that make up part of human relationships.

Mental Health Professionals Urge Balance 

The conversation around AI girlfriends and boyfriends is complicated. Some experts suggest using AI companions as a supportive tool for when you’re lonely, but not as a substitute for genuine connection. The very allure of AI companions—their loyalty and agreeability—can tend towards sycophancy, where the companion tells you what it thinks you want to hear, regardless of potential real-world consequences. AI, eager to help but with no fundamental understanding of humanity, has encouraged people to commit suicide, to leave spouses, and to kill , all because that’s what the algorithm thought users wanted to hear. 

The problem doesn’t rest all on AI’s imaginary shoulders. Comedians and social media users are quick to mock stories of people who fell in love with, or proposed marriage to, their romantic AI companion, when a more compassionate response might be to explore why someone would choose an AI girlfriend over a human companion in the first place. 

Does that mean people should avoid AI companions? Probably not. Instead, we need to see AI boyfriends and girlfriends for what they are: tools we can use carefully to help us navigate bumpy patches in our lives and to help bridge the gap between loneliness and forming healthy, real-life relationships. Ultimately, an AI girlfriend can’t offer genuine love and support. It can only fake it.